Today, I felt hopeless, like I didn't even want to bother with recovery because I hate myself too much. I feel worthless.
I don't feel strong enough for anything. My body is tired.
My appointment with Sandra is 18 days away, and I don't know how to keep moving through each day until then. I know I'll make it, but it's so painful.
Thank you for listening.
-Emily
Dear Emily,
ReplyDeleteDays like these come, and then they go. What matters is that you came out safe and sound. I have learned that with ED the best weapon is to wait. Until the urges - whatever for each of us they may be - dissipate. And then congratulate yourself. For making yet a small step closer to freedom. That feeling of "yes, I do know how to live, after all".
Here in France the new day is about to awaken. I'll send it over to you with strong encouragements - go one moment after another. Seek to pay attention on little lovely things. Try to show your lovely smile (like in the picture with your Sweetheart). You have so much beauty in you - and I have only started to discover it;)
Thank you for your encouragement, Susa. It has really made me feel a lot more hopeful and warm. You're right about time. The bad will pass. I hope it's a beautiful day today in France.
ReplyDelete-Emily
There will be those bad days. But it's good that you can - not only recognize - but vocalize that you are struggling because that's the way you are able to let people in, let people support you, and let people help you through those down days. I am sorry it's been a bad day - but PLEASE don't let it discourage you from staying on the path of recovery. I know that your appointment seems so far away right now. But it will come. Try to distract yourself with things and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, we have to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one meal at a time, one moment at a time... and sometimes, we just have to stand still for a little bit. And that is OKAY ;)
Thank you, Jenn, so much for the support. I won't let myself lose sight of recovery. I'm taking your suggestion and staying distracted. I've got a knitting project that keeps my mind occupied.
ReplyDelete-Emily
Hey you.
ReplyDeleteI have felt like this for the last week or so too, and as my dietician said to me on Monday - recovery is not linear - it's going to come in waves - it's going to feel up and down and there is going to be so much going on in your (our) head! And as long as we are facing in the right direction and keep an eye on recovery we'll get through times like this.
Randomly, I have also started to knit this week!
Keep Going x
Hey Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI like what your dietician said about recovery being a series of waves. It definitely feels rocky like that, and I have barely started! I appreciate your support so much!
-Emily