I'm worth it...I'm worth it...

...I'm worth it...I'm worth it. I say this to myself over and over until I believe it. And then I forget. I then I repeat it over and over again.

It's been a big issue this week as I've been wrestling with the idea of making an appointment with the dietitian that Sarah referred me to. I knew that I want to go, but the great expense had my stomach turning. Up until recently, I thought that I should be able to use the many nutrition resources around me to make my own meal plan. I mean, there's an abundance of information out there about nutrition, so I should be able to figure it out, right? Yikes, I don't think so.

What I've determined is that the plethora of misinformation out there combined with my temptation to restrict does not equate to an ideal meal plan. I'm not confident in the choices I make, so I end up restricting, binging, purging, and then restricting again. The vicious cycle continues. I'm not saying that I don't give myself credit for trying. It's all a part of my journey toward recovery. But here's what I've undeniably realized: I can't do it all on my own, and I need help.

I kept thinking about other things that the money could be spent on...a trip to NYC maybe? But what kind of trip would that be anyway? A trip that I can't enjoy because I'm thinking about food 95% of the time and body-checking in every mirror? One day, I will get to NYC, but it will be when I have a healthy mind and body. It will still be there when I'm ready.

My dietitian appointment is January 30, and I can't wait. It feels good to do something right for myself, something that I know I need. I see Sarah this Saturday, and I can't wait to tell her that I took another step toward valuing myself.

Love,

Emily