I'm exhausted. Exhausted of doing what the voices tell me. Exhausted from pep-talking myself through everyday. Exhausted from putting on my happy face so that my coworkers won't know that anything is wrong. Exhausted from brainstorming ways to dig myself out of this ED hole. I feel pain, and I'm too tired to talk about how much it hurts.
I have hope that things can be different. It has to be true. Danny and I were meant to grow old together. Down the road, he'll be helping me to find my glasses, and I'll be wiping his ass for him. It's a beautiful picture, but it won't happen if ED sticks around.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all of the support that you bloggers have given me. I can't express enough how much it means to me because it makes me feel like I'm not alone in all this. I also want to give a shout out to BlueEyedBarbie. She has a new blog that I love and is looking to gain readership, so check it out! I freakin' love how bloggers support each other; don't you?
I'm looking forward to letting you all know how it goes on Saturday with my appointment with Sandra. Any advice?
Love,
Emily
Hello dear fighter sis!
ReplyDeleteYou'll do just fine tomorrow. Feel reassured. Go as yourself. Talk about what is the most important for you to get off your chest. Maybe write things down soon after the appointment. So that you can think about them later on.
I see that you really want to recover. That makes me very confident in the fact that you will! It isn't easy, but worth it. Some days super hard - since the skinny boost no longer is supposed to be there - but a life free from thinking about food too much, that is freedom. Or feeling lovely no matter whether full or empty stomached. Regardless of the numbers. That is real confidence.
Many hugs to you. You are so sweet and your struggles touch me.
GOOD LUCK tomorrow!!! It's finally here! yay ;)
ReplyDeleteI want to echo everything Susu said and also say, to remember to be honest and open. I know you will be nervous but remember that there is nothing you can say that will shock her and make her judge you. She has heard it all, she understands, and she only wants to help you find the freedom that you deserve and long for. Remember that throughout the session and try to just speak and openly as you can.
Be gentle with yourself and remember that you deserve recovery! the ed is going to be fighting harder to keep you but that just means that the ed knows it's losing you and knows that you are stronger that it is. Show the ed who is in control! ; )