Today, I spoke with Sandra, my soon-to-be therapist, on the phone and scheduled my first appointment. I could not be more excited. I hope I didn't scare her with my excited voice, but I was just so glad to have the date set so that I can start looking forward to it. Knowing that I'm going to get help gives me hope to get through each day. I've been restricting a lot, and, no matter how much I restrict, I always seem to end up purging. I hate this! Each day is so difficult. I don't want to throw up anymore. I can't wait to get help.
I also asked Sandra if Danny could come with me to the appointment, and she said that would be great. Yay! Danny has expressed multiple times that he really wants to come to talk to Sandra with me. At first, I didn't like the idea because I thought that it would make me nervous, but, as I thought about it more, I realized how much his support means to me. I'm so fortunate that someone loves me so much that he wants to be right by my side all the way through treatment. It hasn't always been easy to be with Danny about my ED, but I've learned to stop worrying that the truth is going to scare him off. He's proven to me over and over again that his love is unconditional.
Now, all I'm worried about is 'will she really be able to help me?' I mean, I've been deep in my ED for over a decade. Will she really know how to help me, or am I beyond help? I guess I'm kind of nervous to hear what she has to say, but I'm so excited too.
That's all for now! I hope you all out there are treating yourselves well...you deserve it!
-Emily
I am excited for you too ; )
ReplyDeleteAnd NO, you are not beyond help. My eating disorder started when I was 13 years old but didn't get proper help for it until I was 26. So, as you can understand, I was heavily into my disorder and had the same feelings as you are right now. I mean, I did have the therapist and doctor here and there in between that time as my parents tried to get me help but I would always quit after a few sessions or refuse to get help. So that's why I say I didn't get the proper help until 26 when I was ready and willing to get better. And even then, I did fight it some because I was terrified of them taking this thing that was ALL I KNEW since 13 away from me. Anyways, I don't want to ramble too much. I just want you to know that is IS possible. I thought I was "too far gone" to get better, and here I am - on the other side of recovery and have never felt happier or more free (I am still on the road and still do struggle but not nearly as much).
Is this your first therapist? If you want any advice or just someone to talk to - I would love to support you. I can send you my email or something.
Good luck! You deserve a life in recovery!!!!!!
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the reassurance. I have been to a couple therapists before but never went for more than one or two appointments. It sounds like you can relate. I guess I just wasn't ready, or maybe recovery just seemed to hard. Honestly, I don't think I really wanted to let go of my ED until now.
I can't tell you how much it means to me to have support, so thank you. I would love your email! You can email it to me at emily.hernandez444@gmail.com
-Emily
Never ever let yourself believe that you are too stuck in your ways to change - in everything. If you really want to change something about your life, it just takes a bit of determination and time. It's kind of like people who completely change their careers well into their lives - they never knew anything else and now they have a completely new life.
ReplyDeleteSo much change can happen in a short amount of time - don't ever doubt that. But at the same time, progress can often only be seen after the fact. So keep moving forward no matter what.
Best of luck with all that you do.
With care,
Katrina
Thank you for your words, Katrina. Just reading it makes me have more faith in recovery.
ReplyDelete-Emily