5:30pm - I get home from work, check the mail, and open a letter from my new insurance provider. The letter informs me that I have a waiting period on my plan for pre-existing conditions that will not end until December 1, 2011. What?! But my appointment with Sandra is November 5! What does this mean? I call the insurance's customer service to get clarification and am informed that I will not be covered for pre-existing conditions (like my ED) until December 1. After December 1, I will only be covered after meeting the $500 deductible, which seems silly to do since my deductible will start over in the new year anyway.
5:50pm - I cry for about 6 minutes. Why didn't I get help when I was still covered by my parent's insurance? How am I going to survive each day with this pain?
5:56pm - I remember that I am still covered by my husband's insurance, and I also remember that there was a therapist covered by his insurance that I wanted to see but didn't because she doesn't offer evening or weekend appointments. But, it would only be a $10 copay for every office visit! The only reason I was waiting for my new insurance to kick in was so that I could get an appointment with Sandra, who offers weekend appointments. Will my employer work with me on allowing me to go to an appointment once each week? Yes, I think so. They love me.
6:00pm - I call the other therapist, Melanie, and leave a voicemail saying that I would love to make an appointment and to call me back anytime. I then email her as well because I over-do everything.
6:05pm - I take a deep breath and collect myself. Crisis averted? Yes, I think so.
I just REALLY hope that Melanie calls me tomorrow. It's been so rough waiting to get help, trying my best to disobey ED but rarely succeeding, so I hope I can get an appointment soon. I will let you all know what I find out.
Thank you all so much for the support!
-Emily
Taking things with thoughtfulness and patience and learning to wait is very contrary to ED, so you made a great step. In that sense, your therapy has already started - because what it really will be is learning to live and resist to ED. If we really work for something, like you now for your recovery, things are bound to happen. (Oh and, in the meantime you could browse the Net for free self-help material. Just Google the words.)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your last comment! I know that you know how it all feels, and words coming from you mean so much. I have had better days since the beginning of the week.
I realized that if I truly start loving my life and body, ED will be pushed away. Then I will let myself eat freely and still feel beautiful. Now I still seem to need "the anorexia boost". Eating a little less if things get tough. Little by little I shall dare to draw myself free, or freer.
I know the insurance thing can be so stressful, but try not to let it stress you out too much. these are just bumps in the road that you need to get through... and you WILL get through. What if you saw the one therapist to get started until you can get in to the other one? Or maybe this therapist that is covered now will be a good fit for you. Just try to not let it overwhelm you and try to keep reminding yourself that these bumps in the road are going to happen in recovery but that you are STRONG enough to make it through them. Show the ed who the strong one is! ; )
ReplyDeleteThis all sounds so stressful and I suppose it makes me feel so lucky to have the NHS. I was gutted that I originally had to wait ages for an appointment and had to beg for them to see me sooner because I was losing the plot and going actually insane. I swear if they hadn't pushed my appointments forward I would have ended up sectioned. My now lead therapist, who works with me once a week did my initial asesemnt and I was in the system, attending 3 times a week for dietitian, herself and psychotherapist, within a month and I don't need to worry about paying or insurance. So I admire your ability to sort it all out, it just adds another stress to a stressful situation and you should be proud it's going in the right direction. Keep strong and keep disobeying Ed. Love x
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